Self Critique

How do some people manage to write the way they do? I look at people around me and realize that I will probably never be able to write as articulately as they do. I am a girl of horribly simplistic thoughts and equally simplistic writing. Maybe this stems from my overall personality; I call a spade a spade. In school too, I was the one who could speak well and write well, but never was I the one who could string together eloquent sentences or delicate poetry. It is for this same reason that I rate myself an average writer. No, I am not looking for compliments here, just admitting the truth! It takes a genius to write well, to make the whole world listen. Oh, and its not only writing I am talking about here! Those geniuses out there who spin their yarns, its so difficult for me to understand what they mean! They really make me question my intelligence. I am having my Homer Simpson moment now. Doh!

Hyperventilating Insects!

"So, how was your Science Olympiad today?"

"Oh, it was soo easy Ma'am! Here, take a look at the question paper.."

"Hmm, so what option did you choose for this question.. Which of the following dissolves in water - a) oil b) salt c) insect d) paper.."

"SALT!"

(So I decided to engage in some leg pulling...)

"Oh, but don't you know, insects dissolve in water much quicker!"

"No Ma'am! If you put an insect in water uski bus saans phool jaegi.."

Nose Bejewelled

I was barely a year old when my mother got my ears pierced. She says "I took you out of sheer excitement." Perhaps she was scared that I would refuse to let someone drill holes in my ears later. Perhaps she did not want me to remember the pain.

Nineteen years later, a few days back to be precise, I got my nose pierced. Let me tell you, I was ready much earlier, but a certain friend scared the living daylights out of me by talking about "unbearable pain" and the "excruciating recovery period". I put off the idea until it completely slipped out of my mind, but it all came back when I saw a dear friend's nostril. On it perched a beautiful white stone, catching the light and glinting pompously. "If she can go through the pain, I sure hell can!", I said to myself.

So off I went to the piercer, with dear friend and three of her friends in tow (all with pierced noses). The five of us trooped into the pretty silver shop. What do you think I saw? A lady bending over a girl about my age, about to pierce her nose. Let me tell you, it looked as easy as eating cornflakes. The girl happily got up, paid and left. "Darn", I said to myself, "that looked pretty neat!". You can safely say that about that time, all my fears left me.

"Choose a pin for me, I'm confused."

"How 'bout this one?"

"Yeah that looks cool. Y'think it'll suit me?"

"I think it'll look especially good on you!"

"Ok but have a look at the others as well."

"Hmm how 'bout this? Or this? And look at this one!"

"No, no. And absolutely no to that!!"

"Well I think you should go with our first choice then.."

To tell you the truth, it didnt hurt one bit, big thanks to the piercer's expertise! She pushed in the pin in a split second and by the time I knew it, I had a beautiful stone glinting pompously on my nostril too.

CHILDREN, THESE DAYS!

So there I was, interacting with a bunch of nine year olds, trying to get them to speak effortlessly in english.

"Lets divide the class into two groups - girls and boys", I said.

"Sure!"

"Tell me boys, how do we brush our teeth? Tell me the whole procedure, step by step."

"We take a toothbrush, wet it, apply toothpaste on it, clean our teeth and tongue, rinse our mouths, rinse the brush. Done!"

"Very good! 10 points!"

"Yay!"

"Ok, now girls. Tell me, how do you get ready in the morning?"

"We get up, take bath, brush our teeth, polish our shoes, wear the uniform, eat breakfast and leave home to come to school."

"Very good! 10 points to you too!"

"Yay!"

"Ok, now I wont ask any more questions. Ask each other. Girls, ask the boys a question."

"Yay! Hmmm. How do you switch on the computer?"

"We switch on the UPS, then the CPU, then we wait for the screen to switch on, enter the password, then wait for the desktop to appear."

"Excellent boys! 10 points again! Now why dont you boys ask the girls a question?"

"Woohoo!" *whispering* "How do girls take bath????"

"No!! No!! Ask another question!!"

*more whispering* *sniggering* "How is a baby born????"

........

CHILDREN, THESE DAYS!

Dog Show

Hrumph!

Pet-ty Issue

So I have pets. Not dogs, not cats, not hamsters, but squirrels. They are right there on my bathroom window and I just let them be. I have even stuck two pencils on the window so that it doesnt shut because of the breeze.

You know the best part about having squirrels as pets? They are really low maintenance. NO maintenance, rather! All I have to do is look at them, see them look back at me, admire them, see them admire me... SERIOUSLY! They display themselves only for me. If anyone else enters the bathroom, they go away and refuse to come back until that person has left. Its so cute to see them lounging around, flat on the stomachs! On days the squirrels have a party, I see the family stuck against the net to accomodate guests. They have a gala time. The guests then leave and the family retreats into their humongous nest.

So today I have a picture story for you. Let us very creatively call it THE SQUIRREL STORY.

There once lived a family of three squirrels. Mama squirrel, Papa squirrel and Baby squirrel. Mama and Papa squirrel built a beautiful golden nest for Baby squirrel to grow up in. One day, the family was sitting outside their home, relaxing and enjoying the gentle breeze, when all of a sudden A Big Human entered their territory.

The family was startled by this sudden invasion.

They sprang up from their drowsiness and fled A Big Human.

But Baby squirrel was brave. He came back to see who had disrupted their peaceful squatting. Well, well! It was only their good friend Rima!

No problem! Rima wont hurt them! Baby squirrel happily went inside his spacious home and waited for Mama and Papa squirrel to come back.

A simple story, but this actually happened today morning. I have been trying to write about my pets since a long time, and there could not have been a better way to introduce them. I dont think we will ever keep dogs again, so these little fellas really give solace to my heart. Thank you dear squirrels.

(click on the pics to enlarge them)

Am I An Egg?

As a child, it was a task for me to make small talk with strangers. No, I wasnt shy. I could stare at people constantly and even make them lower their own gazes. I could share the same space with them without breaking into a sweat. The problem was talking. I just did not know what to say. If someone asked me questions, I would smile and/or grin and softly answer them. People would pat my cheeks and say stuff like "You shy girl!" or "See how she's blushing!" and then the very next moment I would run away.

I look at myself now and see the change. No, I am not your usual case of "shy-girl-becomes-crazy-overtalkative-extrovert". I am still very, very reserved in the first few meetings with strangers but I dont hesitate at all to make conversation. I am probably the first person to start talking and the last to finish. Whether I am journeying or waiting for a seminar to start, I always nudge the people around me to engage in some talking. If they dont seem interested, I drop it. Then again I am irritated by people who yak their heads off and dont realize that everyone around them wants to scream and run in the opposite direction.

Of course with close friends, its a different story. I am probably the one who fools around the most.

My psychology teacher once called me a "slow-to-warm-up" personality. As soon as she said that, I saw a huge egg in my mind. Yes, thats right. An egg. Go figure!

So what am I? Am I an extrovert? Am I that-what-induces-egg-images?