Tuesday, December 21, 2010


I sort people into categories. Over the past seven months, new ones have been created all thanks to my work-out sessions at the gym.

Gimme my medicine! *snort* *snort*

The Gorillas 
You know you've spotted a gorilla when you see someone with short legs and huge, muscular arms that stick out on the sides. Said arms remain stationary and move only to make that bottle of protein shake after the usual two hour work out. They have the ability to flex muscles in front of the mirror all day. Will go to any lengths to make others feel their biceps. Also known as The Frogs.

More! More!

The Screamers
The Screamers lift weights that are a hundred kilos too heavy for them. As a result, the gym resonates with their raucous grunts and snorts at regular intervals. You'll always find them bossing around the little helpers at the gym. They are never seen on treadmills, cycles or elliptical trainers but always found in the heavy weights section where regular mortals don't usually dare to venture.

Can you tell that I just worked out?!

The Sweaters
No, these aren't your regular woollen sweaters. These sweaters leave gigantic watery puddles all over the place. Equipment used by them is forever submerged in litres of salty sweat. Their clothes are wet, translucent and capable of putting at least one fully grown skunk to shame. Ironically, they never carry a towel.

Aah! Yeah!

The Moaners
This category is exclusively for the most out-of-shape members of the female species. They stick around the gym instructors like flies to a honey pot. When made to do the simplest of exercises, they bite their lips and contort their faces. Orgasmic moans follow. Innocent people outside the gym usually wonder what shady work goes on inside.

Middle Aged Men Pretending To Work Out.. They're usually retired and balding. They walk at 4 kmph but their real interest lies elsewhere. With eyes wandering all over the place, they glance frequently at the mirrors to check out that cute chick with the tight ass in the other corner of the gym. Relatively harmless.

What you starin' at?

The Starer
There is usually only one such person per gym. He goggles at others (usually with a startled expression) as if it's going out of fashion. Leaves no stone unturned in making you feel like you've got a giant worm coming out of your nose.
Then there is the other starer. He's usually the horniest guy in the gym and wants to ask you out before you can say "rape". He follows you around and wants to use the cycle just as you begin pedalling. Also known as the Gym Stalker.

Land Grabbers
You know squatters? They build homes on government property and refuse to relocate. Same is the case with Land Grabbers. They sprawl themselves over yoga mats in any free corner of the gym and spread their paraphernalia around them. Then you know they aren't gonna move for at least a couple of weeks.

The Slackers
Slackers roam around aimlessly in the gym with a distant expression on their face. Their clothes are crisp and devoid of sweat and their towels still reek of fabric softener. They sigh excessively and work out for not more than three minutes per machine. Any motivation to linger on is met with self-doubt and then some more sighing.

Blue Moons
Every gym has not one, but multiple Blue Moons. They usually show up only to renew their horribly expensive yearly membership. No instructor knows their names and even the receptionist greets them with, "So would you like to enroll in our gym?".

Mama says I'm pretty

Desperate Strugglers
The Desperate Struggler is either an obese woman trying to lose weight or a spindly man trying to gain muscle. Both religiously follow their routine, in vain. Eventually, they join the category of Blue Moons.

I just lost five kgs!

The Attention Seekers
Their necklines are a little too low and shorts a little too high. With clothes so tight, it's possible to make out the contours of organs. The slightest stretching means free porn for everybody.

Which category do you belong to?

Images via Wikipedia


  1. I don't go to the gym category :D :D

    Moaners...hehehheeeeeeeeeee..Rima, I liked the moaners..would be fun for the people outside the gym :D

  2. heeheehee but it's a pain for those INSIDE the gym :P :D

  3. I belong to the next category.
    we can be called "The Planners"
    we plan and plan, and make resolutions and promises to join the gym, even shop for some gym clothes and shoes for self motivation but never really get around to actually going to a gym! :)

  4. Awesome and I really mean it!!!!...is this penned by you in entirety??!...I am a regular gym goer and I know what you mean...I haaate the sweaters....and yeah I have pretty much have come across all the categories you mentioned, good observation must say!...and honestly i come in the category of nit-pickers :-) ....i am the one who will ask the sweater to kindly get his towel and wipe his sweat off, i am the one who is all fussy and particular about my workout and ask people to move if they are crowding me and glare annoyingly at people if they disturb a group session :)...thoroughly enjoyed reading this!

  5. deva, do you even need to go to a gym!?

    bhumika, anamika, this post has been long over due. seriously, you see such samples every where!

  6. Yes, I am ageing. And not as gracefully as I would like , mind you :(

  7. OMG! This is like reading Sanjeev's posts. HE also categories people . I love reading such stuff. I was laughing through out reading this. I used to go to the gym and suddenly I started remembering people whom I would want to fit in one of the categories you mentioned. :P

    Oh! there are middle aged men also pretending to work out. They just come to gym for their business purposes and promote their business.Infact, gyms like talwarkars are high social points for actors and models. They'd stand on a treadmill , keep moving their eyes around and as soon as your eyes meet them they'd grab that only-and-the-single opportunity to say Hi to you and start the conversation.he he :P

    I loved "Mama says I am pretty pic" ;)

  8. haha i was myself reading so hard while writing this post! there are many models who come to my gym as well and they leave no stone unturned in promoting themselves and their bodies! gyms really are hot beds of interaction ;) have experienced it myself!

  9. i was myself laughing* so hard while writing this post


  10. Hi Rima...very well written/categorized :).Reminded me of my experiences....moaners r really annoying ppl of te most and i stopped goin to gym because of a stalker. Bt, then again whom am i kidding? ;) Can go to other place...Bt, lazy me. Do write regualarly..i thouroughly enjoy reading u.

  11. thanks db
    i'm getting a little lazy too.. these winters.. sigh!

  12. Reminds me, I haven't been to the gym in ages :)I don wanna be categorized as a Blue Mooner *gets ready to go to the gym* ;)

  13. imagine, the day i published this post, i stopped going to the gym. :P
    it's too cold and foggy in the mornings. taking a break for a month. :)

  14. Omg this was hilarious...! I neither...but I'm sure people that go to my gym would easily place me in one of the above categories ;)

  15. Edit- Ok...I just got back and I'm totally a sweater :S :S Gross :P

    - Devie

  16. take off that painting ( real name The Scream) from here, beware of copyright issues Madam

  17. that isn't an issue here, sir/madam

  18. Wowww great post!!!Hey Rima do check out my new site- http://www.chamberofbeauty.com
    Plz follow too:)

  19. lolz, veena here from IMBB,

    we all have met these junkies at gym

    also if u hit gym in the afternoon, they have Desperate Struggler aunts with heavy makeup and jhumkas ......... wonder how they do it wit all those junk jewels .............

    they luk like the female version on rappers to me :P

  20. hi veena! thankfully i haven't met these aunties, but yeah, i've heard a lot about them from a friend of mine. she joined this gym in chandigarh and had a daily dose of such ladies with all that heavy jewellery. i know of many people who wear makeup to the gym too. :O
    well, to each their own i guess!

  21. hahaha...this was funny...im in the 'making excuses not to go to the gym' category

  22. i slip into that category sometimes :P

  23. Haha! I'm more like, ' What is a gym?' category :P
    Thanks a lot for dropping by:)

  24. I love this post! Hilarious! and so true... :)

  25. hahah very funny post..& Im too lazy to go to gym :)

  26. http://scienceblogs.com/obesitypanacea/2010/03/10_most_annoying_gym_personali.php

    Familiar to you?

  27. swetha, while i waited for the link to open, i had crossed my fingers. i thought you had given me a link where my post had been published unethically. but look! that article has been written much, much earlier and i am myself surprised at how the flow and language of both posts are so similar! but your question "familiar to you?" sounds rather patronizing. or am i taking it the wrong way?

  28. O good yaar mai kadi gym shym nai gaya body shody phulan layi naita saddi v utar jaani c..Purani kuhavat hai kudiyan layi-chit v apni patt v apni.Gym jao taavi chittar gym na jao te khote da puttar...


Please dont mince your words!